Why I Wanted Another Baby At 18

I was 18 when I fell pregnant with my second child and some people may have thought 'didn't she learn her lesson'. Well yes, I did learn my lesson - sort of. I actually really wanted another baby.

My 18th birthday had just passed and I was half way through year 12 and had just come out of a rough relationship with my then two-year-old daughter's father. I felt hopeless and alone and had been wanting another baby even before we broke up, which may have contributed to the fact that we did break up. I wanted to be serious and I had grown up so much. I felt like a 30-year-old in an 18-year-olds body. I wanted to get married and have another baby but he was not ready and in the end, that was okay. 

I had grown up in a pretty big family and I have a twin sister, so since birth I had always had a best friend. I couldn’t imagine Ruby growing up alone, with no siblings in the near future. As a mother there is always this ‘crave’ to have another baby both physically and emotionally. 

I remember calling my mum because I was feeling so confused why I wanted another baby at my age. I remember crying my eyes out over the phone to her and telling her that what I wads feeling wasn't normal. I was confused because I felt so grown up yet I was still technically a 'teenager' and I knew that I'd get judged by other people if I chose to get pregnant again. I had been judged immensely by everyone around me when I fell pregnant at 15 just a few years earlier and was terrified of expressing how I was feeling to my mum because I thought she'd be disappointed. But she wasn't, she was so supportive and helped me make sense of my emotions. She reassured me that I was mature and could make my own decisions and it was okay to be feeling this way. So, screw what everyone else was going to say or think. 

Only two people can make the decision when they are ready to have a baby, it does not matter whether you're 30 or 18. If it is the right decision for you at the time and you're capable of raising a baby then make the decision that is right for you. 

I thought that I would have another baby with Ruby's father but he made it clear that was not in the foreseeable future and things ended shortly after. We had other problems in our relationship and one being commitment, I wanted more and he just didn't.

A few months after my relationship ended, I met my now Husband, Shane. I was so reluctant about letting my two-year-old toddler meet him but after a month or so of continuously dating it just felt right. He was so perfect with her and took everything so slow. They developed such a great relationship overtime. This only made me love him even more. Seeing him as a father figure to Ruby made me realize that this was something special. 

I had recently come off my contraception because it was messing with my health. Things between Shane and I got serious really fast and we were in love before we knew it. Not long after I fell pregnant and I was shocked. I thought it was far too soon and it was not planned but when I told Shane he could not have been happier. I remember showing him the test and he grinned from ear to ear. We had been dating for a few months and I remember thinking to myself 'who is this guy!'. 

Not long after he asked me to marry him, sitting alone on the beach together on a cold and wet day, listening to music he wrote it in the sand. It's really funny (or maybe not so much for him) but I was in so much shock I started saying no and shaking my head while smiling. Of course, I said yes though! We were so in love, welcoming a baby and becoming a family of four so quickly. We moved in together as his parents moved away as it only seemed right.

I hid my pregnancy from people other than my immediate family and friends. I hadn’t told anyone at my school. A few people found out because others were spreading rumors but I hid my bump under loose clothing. I was 20 weeks pregnant when I graduated from year 12 and no one really had a clue. Except, I did take Ruby with me one day when she was sick to pick up some work I had missed out on and she immediately told my teacher ‘Mummy is having another baby.' I felt extremely embarrassed but my teacher actually congratulated me and wished me the best.

I graduated year 12 and took a gap year before university and spent 12 months with my three-year-old and newborn baby. That is the first time I just got to be a mum with no studying and it was one of the best years of my life. 

Here we are now over three years later, married with a beautiful 5-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son. There definitely won't be any more babies for a long time because I want to finish my law degree before we decide to add to our family. It will be happening but just not for a few more years. Here’s hoping that baby fever doesn't hit me again! Two children seem to do us perfectly fine for now.